What Normal Feels Like

Greetings All,

So I am over a month past my last chemo treatment and I'd have to say that life is getting back to normal. My hair is slowly coming back in. It's a shade lighter than it was before but not by much. It's also very soft, almost downy. I'm back to doing my chores around the house, back to being able to play with my kids, back to being beaten up at work because people don't feel sorry for me anymore. You know, the usual. It's been great!! I also have been staying up a lot later than I should. I tell my wife that it's because I've had my fill of sleeping for a while. I can get by with just taking naps. That, of course, is not true and its rough getting up for work but it just feels nice to be able to stay up late.

I'm going to be talking about my experience at my church coming up on Sunday the 16th at 7pm. If you are in the area and are interested let me know and I can give you directions. I'll be leading some songs (something I haven't done in 2 years) and sharing about how thankful I am to have made it through. I feel like there have been so many good things that have happened while I am surrounded by bad things that sometimes I miss my chance to say thank you. So, this time I'm not going to miss it. It is definitely a weird thing for me because I still have a lot of feelings toward God that are not 100% positive. Not because of the cancer, but for other reasons that if you are familiar with the story of the last 8 years you may know. But I am truly grateful that He brought me through this and, to put it bluntly, that I am still here. I don't want this to be all about me though so we are going to have a time for people to share what they have gone through and come out the other side. Also, we'll have a time for people that are still stuck in the middle of whatever they are in.

It's also a strange position for me to be in because I know what it feels like to sit and listen to someone talk about how they made it through this huge thing and God came through for them and so on, all the while thinking, "Well that's peachy for you but would you be saying how great God is if things didn't work out the way you had hoped." I've been on the other side of wondering what went wrong and why did this have to happen. I know how hard it can be to listen to someone's joy when your pain is still a little too real. So, I'm hoping that if there is anyone in that situation while I share my story that they feel comfortable to give voice to what they are feeling and know that people care about what they are going through.

Wow, that got a little heavier than I intended. Anywho, the moral of the story is things are going pretty well. I still haven't jumped into my project of losing the weight I gained but, baby steps, right? Sometimes it's good to just enjoy a little bit of normal.

Peace,
Ben