A Glimmer of the Finish

Greetings All,

So I have completed my seventh of eight planned chemo treatments. My last treatment, number six, I actually called off work on Monday. That marked the first day I had missed that wasn't a treatment day since Christmas, and the only unplanned day off I've taken in my entire course of treatment. I have definitely felt more tired for more days after. Maybe it's a psychological thing that I know I'm getting toward the end and losing part of my fight. Maybe the treatments compounding on themselves are taking a little bit of a toll.

The big news is that my oncologist through out a little bone for me before my last round. He has suggested that if my PET scan comes back completely clean then he is open to the possibility of not doing radiation at all. That means that if I'm completely clean, besides the fact that would mean I don't have cancer anymore, then my last treatment would be the last process I would have to go through. I bring this up so that everyone can start praying now. Not that we wouldn't be praying for the cancer to be gone, I know sounds weird. But, man, would it be great to know that 2 weeks from now I may not have to go through anything else.

Kim always asks what my gut tells me about what is going to happen. This time I really am not sure. I don't want to completely buy in because if it doesn't happen I have to be mentally ready to keep going. That doesn't inspire a lot of confidence in her, which in turn makes her a little discouraged. Mentally I think I'm going to be guarded for a while, probably for the next couple months worth of follow up scans. You always have that little bit of a thought of what if it comes back. It's that same part of the brain that thinks, what if I don't beat this. You know it's there but you don't acknowledge it and you know that you can even take a second to think about it.

I know I'm rambling so just for the record: I knew from the beginning, I mean really knew, that when they told me I had a mass in my chest I was going to have to go through chemo. I also knew from the start that I would come out the other side clean. It would just be nice for the other side to come sooner than expected.

Peace,
Ben