The Halfway Point

Greetings All,

So Wednesday will be my fourth treatment and I have to say that in a way it seems to be going by rather quickly. After Wednesday my oncologist plans on scheduling a chest CT to see if we are making progress. I have to believe that the tumor is smaller simply for the fact that since my very first treatment I haven't coughed once. After almost 2 months of coughing before being diagnosed it just vanished as soon as I started Chemo.

Also Wednesday I meet with the Radiologist for the first time. It is just a meet and greet type deal. My wife has been reading a lot of other blogs from men who have gone through treatment for Hodgkin's and a lot of them never did Radiation. I know there can be some secondary complications from Radiation, including other cancers, but I hadn't really considered not Radiating. I guess it's something I need to do more homework on and be prepared to ask the medical team some questions. I know the tough part would be having to drive to the hospital every day because Radiation would be at least 5 times a week.

It's also been encouraging to read some other people's story because I don't know if my experience is typical or not. Here's some of the things I am beginning to realize about my experience with cancer:
          1. I am most likely not going to lose my hair. The hair on my head has definitely thinned to the point that if you know me you can tell but I am by no means going bald.
         2. I have actually gained a couple pounds so far through treatment. In reading some other blogs there's been some others that have had the same issue. I think part of it is the steroid I get with each treatment, but that's only an excuse for the first 48 hours. After that having something small and plain in my stomach constantly helps to manage the nausea better. So, I am really not thinking about food until after noon for about the first 5 days after treatment, but after that I eat small things almost every hour and a half for the rest of the day.
        3. I have 3 different types of medication to deal with nausea and I have never thrown up (and I don't plan to). But for about 5 days after I have what I call "Airport Stomach". See whenever my wife and I use to go on vacation we would always get the cheap flights at like 6am so we had to be up some crazy hour. That early I could never eat but I felt hungry at the same time. Almost any food sounded terrible and my gag reflex sat at my Adam's Apple all the time. That's how I feel after treatment.
       4. It is hard for us as human beings to maintain compassion for any length of time. Now, DO NOT get me wrong. I know I have a ton of people pulling for me, praying for me, and loving me and my family during this time. I so much appreciate every one of you who has posted comments it really means a lot. However, for a good number of people I am in contact with every day it has almost gotten to the point where, to them, I don't look sick and I don't look like I'm dying so there must not be anything wrong. I don't blame them, and I know I'm just as guilty as they are in doing this to other people. Just look at any major tragedy that happens to the world, the devastation in Haiti right now is a perfect example. For a few weeks, maybe a month, it will be the leading story every day and all sorts of charities will pop up everywhere. But after that we will start going about our everyday lives again. We will forget that there are still people hurting and dying. We will forget that there are hundreds of volunteers still there fighting every day to be the only hope the people of Haiti have. I'll be honest, I'll be one of those people, too. It is just hard for us, being human, to maintain that's all. Again, I know there are a lot of you out there that are not like that at all, thank God for all of you because you are the exception to the rule.
       5. I start to dread treatment days starting earlier and earlier. When I started it was the day before, now it's 2 days before. It does get tough getting only a week of feeling somewhat normal before you go back again. It's hard knowing how I'm going to feel and, worse yet, knowing I'm not going to be there for my family for the next few days. I cannot say enough again how awesome my wife is. She is amazing. I know she needs her husband to be there and laugh and be silly. I know my son wants to have his daddy to wrestle on the floor with and run around and be crazy. I know I want to be able to feed and hold my daughter for an hour and have her laugh and smile at me. But mostly I just sleep.

So that's how treatment is going so far. I'm looking forward to positive news from my CT scan in a few weeks and heading down the homestretch of this challenge. Thank you again for all your thoughts and prayers, I know they are working.

Peace,
Ben